How had Alex ended up here? His legs were starting to ache, and he was feeling dizzy from the skewed perspective. The noise of children from a few moments ago seemed to be fading--they were moving to a different area. Probably jeans would have been better for this position than work slacks, which were uncomfortably rubbing against the joint between his thighs and calf.
It occurred to Alex that, the longer he thought about his situation, the longer he remained in it. He probably shouldn’t stay like this for much longer, and thinking was prolonging his predicament. What should he do next, though? He could climb up on top, but what then? That seemed unsafe. Or he could jump down. But he didn’t want to jump down.
His mind flashed back to the argument with his wife Beth that morning.
“I don’t know how to tell you this,” she’d said.
“What?” he asked.
“I’m finding myself attracted to Bill at work.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“I don’t know,” she said.
“I’m not quite understanding this conversation.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Beth replied.
“Why did you tell me this right before I had to leave to pick up Caleb?”
“I don’t know. Don’t worry about it. Just think about bowling.”
“Think about bowling?”
“You always say that bowling relaxes you.”
“That’s playing bowling, not thinking about it.”
“We’ll talk about it later. I have to leave for work.”
Alex started to think about bowling. He let his right arm drop, clenched his fingers around an imaginary ball, and pretended to roll it. This made him swing slightly, but he was still holding himself up securely.
The sound of children had faded even more. He craned his neck around--somewhat difficult from an upside down position--and noticed that the adults had wandered away as well, probably following their kids. He hadn’t realized how strong his legs were, that he could stay in this position for so long without a lot of strain.
Why had Beth said that to him? He thought for a moment and realized that he didn’t understand the reasons behind most of what Beth said. His job teaching sociology (among other things) at a for-profit college meant that he was gone most nights as well as Saturday afternoons. About six months ago, it seemed to him, something had started seeming off about Beth. They were once like two puzzle pieces that fit into one another. For quite a while he’d felt like he’d been trying to put the pieces together but they kept slipping. He had probably stopped trying, and realized he had been thinking more and more about when he’d next be able to bowl. Beth’s advice to him simply reinforced his recent default pattern of thinking.
Alex’s face was becoming flushed. All of his blood was going to his head. Did no one notice that he’d been hanging upside down from the monkey bars for at least five minutes?
He thought about tomorrow’s discussion topic for his class, Durkheim’s Suicide. He had the class read excerpts of it and would be discussing suicide as a social issue, related more to the behavior of large groups of people, than an individual choice. People with greater social ties were less likely to commit suicide, while isolated individuals--those not clearly part of a group--were more likely to do so.
He thought about the groups to which he belonged. He had his colleagues at work, although he didn’t spend that much time talking to them. How about his bowling friends? He was among the best bowlers in his league. If he had a particularly good game, they would all yell for him to fail, and he would do the same for them. But they each congratulated the winner at the end. They’d also talk about their wives, their kids, mostly complaining about them. He’d found himself more and more quiet during those conversations lately.
He shifted his legs a bit and thought back to why he’d gotten up here in the first place. His son had been nervous about climbing the bars and hanging on them, and he’d tried to be encouraging. Well, not so much encouraging but yelling at his son that it was easy. So he’d climbed up onto the play structure, jumped onto the middle bar--rather than just climbing across--and flipped himself over.
“Look, Caleb!” he’d yelled.
Caleb had already left for another part of the playground. The parents wandered over there as well, although a couple had glanced back at him in confusion.
And maybe embarrassment? If he got down now, he’d have to face them, explain his absurd behavior. And the whole time he’d be thinking about what Beth said, wanting to tell someone, to ask for help.
“Hey, Jim, my wife said she’s attracted to another guy. What do you think I should do?”
No, he couldn’t say that, or anything like it.
His thighs and lower legs were a tingling mass of pain. Trying to rearrange himself would make it worse, so he stiffened them slightly.
“Get off me!”
That sounded like Sam, a kid Caleb often played with. Caleb seemed to bully him sometimes, though.
“Caleb, stop!”
He should get down and do something about this. His humiliation would be compounded, though. People would look askance at him not only for hanging upside down for far too long but for his kid’s misbehaving.
But wasn’t he making the situation worse by not doing anything about it?
He thought about Beth and Bill together. He’d met Bill once, a man both taller and probably objectively better looking than he was. Bill’s life was more together, a stable job, a wife, kids.
Since Bill had a wife and kids, shouldn’t Beth stay away from him? Well, Beth had a husband and kids, so there were lots of reasons for nothing to happen.
That never stopped people, Alex realized, if there really was an attraction.
He felt the pressure of blood right above his eyes, then moved his chin towards his chest to stretch his neck. He felt shooting pains in his thighs and knees.
He was an idiot, a chump. And the longer he stayed up here, the worse it got.
His vision went black, and he felt himself falling to the ground.
